


Skin Me To The Bone

by rakkel



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Casual Sex, Mentions of sexual partners, Post-Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Trauma, Triggers, canonical death, glamour springs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 16:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15028547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rakkel/pseuds/rakkel
Summary: Taako had always had a deep connection with food.Logically, that's why he copes by adjusting his relationship with it.





	Skin Me To The Bone

**Author's Note:**

> This work is _**very**_ triggering.  
>  Please pay special attention to the tags.
> 
> **This had accidentally been posted before I had finished editing. I did a rush job of fixing it once it had been brought to my attention, but things slip through. Please let me know if there are any errors.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the tags.

For Taako, it was never a _thing_. 

He and Lup had struggled a lot as children and teenagers on the streets, in the days before the Starblaster. Throw away your dignity and pick up a discarded meal while you're there. They stole from grocery stores. Dining and dashing wasn't a crime if it was your sister's birthday. 

Food had been scarce. Taako always made sure Lup ate before himself. That's just what brothers do, and if he noticed more lingering stares, well, that's because he framed his collarbones just right. 

Taako loved the attention. Men would drag him to bed, bruise his skin, tell him how pretty he was with his hip bones sticking out. Men only want skinny, pretty girls. If he wanted to catch a man, he'd had to look as close as possible. They told him over and over again. He knew. He kept feeding Lup. They rose above their situation, together. Lup practiced magic, read books, went to school. Taako learned to cook, got a job, refined his skill. They became powerful. When Taako complained about the mundanity of it all, Lup reminded him where they came from. What they have now. He made sure Lup was fed (and the meals got better and better as Taako became a more skilled chef). 

Regular income and steady meals started to take its toll on the twins. Lup finally developed more than she did in puberty, gaining weight that settled in his hips and breasts. She finally looks healthy, not skinny, and she was so beautiful. Taako tried to keep his physique, but the calories plumped him up, too. His belly was soft. His hip bones still jut out, but there was a soft mound of his stomach. "We're getting fat," Lup jokes, admiring her newfound figure in the mirror. The words make Taako's ears ring. 

These men meant nothing, Taako knew that. They just wanted him because he was pretty and easy. But hearing a gruff voice pant out, "You've got an ass on you now," it made Taako feel sick. Maybe it was a subliminal competition. Maybe Lup's words got to him. Maybe, even, it was the sudden decrease in lusty sidelong glances Taako noticed while strutting down the street. Whatever the cause, he didn't like the change. He wasn't going to let some job and a bullshit facade of normalcy made him fat. He cut back. As long as Lup was full and happy, that was all they needed. 

***

Getting hired by the IPRE to work on the Starblaster was a dream come true. They truly were the best now, and they got all the fame and glory that came with it. Taako saw this gig as an opportunity to finally get away from this shithole town, away from the guys he'd fucked, from those who had called him fat. He subconsciously pinched the skin under his jaw, wishing it was tighter.

After the first death, Taako lost his appetite. Who the _fuck_ could blame a guy? After the sixth, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He was tired of dying. If he could just slim down, tone up. He could be faster, stronger. He could survive better. He could protect Lup. They'd survived as children because they were slim and quick. To be a more effective member of the IPRE, he needed to get back to basics.  


So maybe he stopped tasting his meals when he cooked them. Instead of sitting down to eat with the crew, Taako served his meals and immediately started cleaning. Nobody said anything, if they noticed at all.

***

"Taako, are you okay?" Lup's concern was evident in her voice. Taako breezed past her. 

"You know it." He sat in front of the mirror, avoiding her gaze as he generously applied concealer underneath his eyes. "The human's making you soft, Lulu, I'm always okay."

She sat beside him, reached for his hand. "Taako." He didn't take her hand, didn't want her to feel how cold it was. She'd only worry. She rested her hand on his thigh instead, her palm covering the skin. "You look pale. Are you sleeping okay? I know shit's wack, with the dying, but you know you can talk to me." 

He couldn't hear her over the pounding of his heart. His eyes searched the reflection in front of her, and next to his twin sister, he realized she was right. He was pale. 

*** 

Taako quickly mastered glamour magic. Disguise Self became his truth. He wasn't dumb, okay, he eased into it. As far as his crewmates were concerned, his color slowly returned, he slimmed up, his hair remained shiny and lustre. He looked good, but some small part of him was afraid. Lup was sharp, her eyes studying his frame. Glamour magic could handle this, too, though. So maybe Taako outwardly showed himself as a few pounds heavier. All the better to drop pounds in secret, save a big reveal when he's perfect. Lup's questioning ceased, but the worry in her eyes lingered. 

***

He was running for his life. He had the Light, if he could just make it back to the Starblaster, they could win this year. The ship was just ahead, on the edge of the forest. How fucking stupid it was to go out alone like this. And yet, here he was with the Light, and his family was on the ship waiting for him. 

The Hunger was beind him, where it belonged. He was so fucking _close_ and then they could get out of this shithole plane. Disguise Self flickered out to save energy. _So close..._ All at once, Taako's vision blacked out. He was so dizzy, his head spun, and, then, he collapsed. 

***

"You _died_ , Taako! You died because you couldn't run without passing out!" Lup was frantic, pacing the length of Taako's bedroom while he sat in front of the mirror. 

"We die all the time, Lulu. Shit happens." 

"You aren't fooling anyone, Taako. Detect Magic isn't a fucking hard spell to cast, you feel me? Drop the disguise."

Taako turned toward his sister, his voice frail and uncharacteristically sincere. "You don't want that, Lu." 

She took his hands in hers, fire in her eyes. "I saw you. I saw your corpse, I saw you when you rematerialized before you threw up that spell as you took your first breath. You can't fucking hide from _me_ , Taako. Not from me."

Taako's hands were trembling in Lup's. He was so, so tired. He sighed heavily and the spell flickered then dropped. 

Lup gasped, tears in her eyes. Before her stood the skeletal figure that was once her brother. His hair, once golden and shiny, fell limp and dull on his shoulders. His skin was almost grey. He had deep black bags underneath his eyes, which were also dull and lackluster. His handsome face was warped, sunken in and sallow. Cheekbones protruded too far from his face, his chin too sharp. Sunken pools of skin replaced his collarbones, his arms and fingers became thin and boney. His ribs were visible from where Lup could see down the tank top, now draping loosely over his chest. 

"What, jealous?" Taako muttered, a fake smirk on his lips and a sour taste in his mouth. He refused to meet her gaze. "You don't have to fucking stare." 

She grabbed his (too thin) wrist and dragged him to the kitchen. The wizard struggled and protested weakly, not wanting everyone else to witness him so close to perfect but falling short, once again. "You need help, Taako, holy shit. You- you need to eat, you can't just- holy fuck, Taako, shit." Lup was rambling, dropping his wrist to dig through the fridge. 

"Lup, no." 

He wasn't prepared for the desperate look in her eyes. She whipped her head around to look at him (she looked at him like she didn't recognize him), tears splattering messily from her eyes. "No?! _Yes_ , Taako, this isn't a discussion!"

"Yo, what's for din- woah." Magnus and Merle came sauntering into the kitchen, only to stop short upon seeing the frail impression of the powerful wizard they knew. Taako couldn't find it in him to argue, head spinning again from all the walking. He sat down at the table, not meeting anyone's eyes, as his sister cooked him a meal.

***

It became a rehabilitation year. 

Things were rocky for a while, after Merle did a full medical exam to find that Taako was severely malnourished, to the point where his body was on the verge of shutting down entirely. It was a slow, emotional process. Taako could hardly stomach tiny portions for a while, but gradually he was able to stomach full meals. He even went to therapy, at Lup's insistence. All his friends watched him as he recovered. It took a long time, but his sister was there every step of the way. 

He gained weight, of course, but it wasn't _bad_ , per say. Natural. _Healthy_ , as his friends insisted. 

As his energy increased, Taako took it upon himself to train more. He wasn't a good teammate if he couldn't hold his own in battle. So he studied, and trained, and he grew ever more competent as a wizard.

They fought the Hunger. 

Life went on. 

At least, until they all forgot.

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me in the comments or  
> @ drowninginships on tumblr  
> @ therakkel on Twitter


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